this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
