my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
