listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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