Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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