I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
