I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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