I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
