You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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