So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
