I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
