I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
