Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
