if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
How's work?
Spinning.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
