so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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