You made me cry and you don't even care
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
