Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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