drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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