It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
