the condom got lost in my hair
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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