just come out here and I will go home with you...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
