Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
