So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
