i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
