this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
