I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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