Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
