sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
