Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
