1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
