he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
