actually, I'm a sock model
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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