I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this just has baby written all over it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
