i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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