omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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