i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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