He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
