I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
