While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How's work?
Spinning.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize