Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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