guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
