When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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