her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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