where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
