we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
we're so committed to being not committed
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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