the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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