im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
