Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Randomize
