so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
