Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
