I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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