Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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