So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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