I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
