Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
