I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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