I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
