shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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