I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
