I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
