Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
