when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The air was thick with penises
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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