I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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