you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
