Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
