His pubic hair was longer than his dick
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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