shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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