I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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