does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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