just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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